Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A classic case I suppose, a haunted man who can't out run his ghosts

Its quiet. When music wont fit you cant force it. Square peg, round hole. Those are the nights i know im in for a good time. Four years is forever. Before everything changed. Maybe its better. I'll never tell. Do you still wish i was yours? This person i've become? I cant decide, i dont know if you'd be proud or not. Sometimes i think i missed it, this growing up thing, this life thing. Square peg, round hole. I think that describes a lot about me, about the way things work. Broken computers, less than happy memories, unfinished plays, bandaged necks. Square peg, round hole.

Friday, March 28, 2008

But bennie makes them ageless

trying to figure everything out is much too impossible. the emotions are more complex than you'd think, and more simple than you'd want. i cant fall back on old habits because i've never gotten out of them to begin with. i should probably work on that. i feel like maybe if counselors prescribed sufian in the grass, there would be fewer suicides maybe. i wish i could feel it now, i wish fog wasnt everything i've ever known.

When safe is just a state of mind

sometimes i wonder if we're given moments of sanity just to set us up for the next dive. kindof like that split second lull in the ocean right before the next wave. you're right when you say that summer brings change, that its almost like a different life. maybe rationalization doesnt fix things because things are rarely ever rational. the farewell to innocence i think is code for learning how to be lonely, how to feel like a kid but realizing the whole time that its not playing anymore. i sometimes forget what saftey feels like, its been a while. the real question is though...do you know what you want out of this?

the less than healthy thing is really getting old. a popcicle sounds really good.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

All your friends seem like enemies

why is it that everytime you want sleep, it doesnt come. and when you dont have time for sleep, or really dont want it, there it is.
its too quiet tonight. the louder my ipod goes the thicker the silence. i think there comes a point where emotion in general doesnt come from inside anymore. not laughter, not sadness. is happiness even a real possibility? we're all playing the fool, some of us just dont know it. too bad saving hope isnt like saving money.

Dear customer, you've saved 4 hours and 23 minutes with your plus card.

it'd be nice right?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Define friend

the truth is, you should be more scared of doing everything right than doing something wrong. you have no control over it getting ruined. please appologize for going after bigger things. ironic right? of course you cant live in the past if your past is present. crucify us because you're still sitting where you were a year ago. thats exactly the sort of friend you should be. its sick.

so leave. dont look back. if you only knew where this road led you wouldnt second guess it so much.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Winter defeats

waking up never comes easy, ironically neither does sleeping. fucking up is the best part i think. i forced myself into a nap, but i never come out quite like jack from his box. i lost that ability somewhere between sippy cups and beer bottles. i always expect to wake up feeling better. too bad my computer's antivirus is better than mine.

Monday, March 24, 2008


the idea of a new start is refreshing, but maybe its just a concept that makes us feel better. like at any given time we can pick up and start over. ok, i'll buy it for now. does any remedy ever come without compromise? it seems like anything you fix ends up breaking something else. maybe thats just the way the world works, a balance of broken and fixed.

well i sleep too much, my hands arent steady. theres this hum in my head. and words come out before they're ready. to be said.